


Two time for the past

by jadeparabatai



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rebirth, Spoilers for Book 3: The Queen of Nothing, Spoilers for all 3 books, Suicide, Temporary Character Death, snusband: snake husband, spying scheming and lying it's what she does
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:27:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25833511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadeparabatai/pseuds/jadeparabatai
Summary: She runs her fingers over vine-covered fuller of Nightfell. Even her sword has changed. It’s far from the pretty blade from Madoc; The heirloom has been forged over and over in the blood of the fae.It will be forged once more in hers.Sharp pain flares in her head and her vision blurs. She gasps out, “Cardan.”Blood drips onto the snow, turning into tiny red flowers. It blooms around her, covering her in a bed of red.The Serpent closes his eyes.The Queen of Monsters have nothing to live for anymore: her sisters have long abandoned faerie world, her brother leads the rebellion against her reign, and her husband is a giant snake.However, when she stabs herself in the heart, she finds herself back in her seven-year-old self, watching Madoc murder her parents.
Relationships: Jude Duarte/Cardan Greenbriar
Comments: 20
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW // suicide
> 
> The title comes from [My Time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_zk4JFK43g) by Jungkook (of BTS)
> 
> English is not my first language, so there may be mistakes. 
> 
> Loosely inspired by 2ha and an expansion of this [post](https://jadeparabatai.tumblr.com/post/621452864783564800/darkjude-au-but-also-2ha-au) on tumblr.

It’s been eleven years since her reign began. 

Eleven years since Taryn’s betrayal, eleven years since her exile. Eleven years since the curse came true, and eleven years since she wrapped the golden bridle around the Serpent and shackled him under her control. 

Eleven years, Jude Duarte rules as High Queen of Elfhame. 

Much has changed over the years. The castle has turned into a fortress. The faeries were never accepting of her reign. They saw her as a silly mortal girl, a false queen in love with a cursed Serpent for a king. A joke. There were assassination attempts, rebellions, all-out war. Thousands of soldiers charged at her on the battlefield and a hundred arrows flew.

They are all dealt with the strike of her blade and the slip of the Court of Shadow’s poisons. It was a massacre, blood spilling as freely as alcohol. She became a tyrant queen, the Court of Teeth an example of her mercy, the Undersea an example of her anger. 

She’s become a monster. 

The fae look at her with fear in their eyes now. Even the kings and queens look wary, knowing how much fae blood she has on her hands. The gentry courts scuttle to win her favour with their mortal lovers and musicians. Others gift her heads of monstrous creatures. They dance a dangerous dance on the edge of her sword. 

She is powerful. She is feared. She is the Queen of Monsters, ruling over the corrupt and broken land. 

But she’s tired. 

There is nothing to fight for anymore. 

Vivi has settled in the mortal world with Heather and they’ve left behind the Faerie world. Taryn thrives in court with her late husband’s land and gold and child. 

And Oak. He’s eighteen now, grown from a fanciful child to a cunning prince. He plays the game as well as Cardan had; his smiles are easy and his words are like honeyed poison. He shoulders the weight of his blood with grace. 

He’ll be coming for his throne soon. They try to be discrete, but she is the queen of Shadows. Her eyes and ears are everywhere; they can’t hide from her. There are spies in her own forces, guards and cooks and runners. They smile in front of her, but they hold hatred in their hearts. 

The castle bell rings, a warning for the oncoming storm. 

It’s their largest force yet, their last hurrah. There are thousands and thousands of fae soldiers, redcap leaders, sly-footed spies, hunters with their bow and arrow. Countless fae courts have allied together to defeat the queen of monsters. 

Oak leads the army with Madoc as his general. The war horns blow, and they charge. 

Jude orders for the defences to be raised and the fortress locked and sly-foots out of the throne room. 

It's the rose gardens she’s heading for. It’s hardly the same beautiful garden Cardan had confessed in all those years ago. It’s now a harsh and wild mess of sharp brittle thorns and bright poisonous blooms. The ground is blackened around where he rests. 

The Serpent blinks a giant golden eye as she nears. He’s grown even larger over the years, a true monstrous serpent. He can easily lay waste to an entire army and wreak havoc wherever he goes. The golden bridle gleams on his jaw, sunken deep into his skin. The Serpent coils idly around her. 

“It’s just us now,” she whispers. She takes the crown from her head and runs her fingers over the carved laurels and large jewels. 

She thinks of Dain’s coronation all those years ago, when everything started. She promised Cardan that he could leave it all behind and then shackled him to the throne to protect her brother. They were supposed to be temporary rulers, to keep the throne safe while he grew up. It’s quite ironic, that she became Queen to protect her brother and now it’s Oak that’s leading the revolution. 

Their time is up now. Oak will finally be king. 

It begins to snow, white petals falling lightly inside the garden. “Do you remember,” She rests against him. “When you told me you loved me right here in this garden? I was so angry with you then. You confessed right before a council meeting of all things, and I didn’t know what to say.” 

The Serpent says nothing. 

She laughs with a shake of her head. It’s ridiculous, talking to the Serpent like he understands her. It’s ridiculous to try to find any glimpse of her husband in this creature. 

Fresh snow covers the garden’s wounds in strokes of white. It’s cold, but she sits in the garden of ruins for a long time. The Serpent coils tighter around her and rests his head on her lap. In the far distance, she can hear the clash of swords and the chaos of bloodshed. 

Jude reaches for the bridle around the Serpent’s jaw. Years of control takes seconds to dismantle. It lands with a thump on the snow and melts away into nothing. 

She runs her fingers over vine-covered fuller of Nightfell. Even her sword has changed. It’s far from the pretty blade from Madoc; The heirloom has been forged over and over in the blood of the fae. 

It will be forged once more in hers. 

Sharp pain flares in her head and her vision blurs. She gasps out, “ _Cardan_.”

Blood drips onto the snow, turning into tiny red flowers. It blooms around her, covering her in a bed of red. 

The Serpent closes his eyes. 

* * *

Hours later, they finally break through her defences. Oak finds her body cold and still in the snow, the corpse of the Serpent coiled around her. One could mistake her for sleeping, with her crown and dress, but her bodice is bloodied and torn. Her sword is still sticky with blood. 

They make a strange picture, the Serpent and the mortal Queen, but they look peaceful in their deaths. 

“THE HIGH QUEEN AND KING ARE DEAD. LONG LIVE KING OAK”

* * *

Jude Duarte opens her eyes. 

Instead of the nothingness like she expected, her death finds her sitting on a rug, staring at a small television screen where a cat chases a mouse. There is a plate of soggy fish sticks next to her. The air smells salty, like chlorine-filled swimming pools and hamburger grease. 

Taryn is napping on the couch, tucked into a blanket. She looks so small, nothing like the Taryn Jude had last seen. Her cheeks are chubby and her mouth is stained pink with fruit punch and candy. The hands clutching the blanket are tiny, hands that haven’t yet stabbed her husband to death. 

Vivi is on the other side of Taryn. She’s also small, her blond hair cut to a short bob. Her ears are pointed and slightly furred and her eyes are those of a cat’s. All the signs of her fae blood. She laughs, carefree, at the mouse on the screen. 

_Am I dreaming?_

It all seems like something out of a dream. It’s an echo of her life before she was taken to Faerieland and became a monster. When she was a normal girl with normal parents and a normal life. 

Her parents. 

She leaps up, jostling Taryn’s legs. She runs, her heart hammering in her chest. 

And there she is. Eva Duarte, her mother. The semblance to herself in uncanny, with her auburn hair and heart-shaped face. Her mom is relaxed in blue jeans and a t-shirt, flipping hamburgers on the stove. She looks entirely mortal and _alive._

“Mom,” She runs and wraps her arms around her mom’s legs. Her heart squeezes painfully, but the tears don’t come. After all these years, it takes a lot to make her cry. 

“Honey, what’s wrong?” her mom laughs. She puts down the spatula and swings Jude into her arms. 

What’s wrong?

Jude wants to laugh. What isn’t wrong in her life? She wants to tell her mom about the past 30 years in Faerie. She wants to tell her about Taryn and Cardan and Madoc and Oak. She wants to tell her about the curse and the crown. She wants to tell her everything. 

But what is there to say? This isn’t real. It’s a dream. An imprint of the last memory of her mother. So she says nothing, tucks her head in the crook of her neck. Her mom lets Jude stay in her arms, patting her back softly. It’s comforting, even if it’s an illusion.

Her mom sets Jude down and hands her a cup of bright red fruit punch. “Come on, Jude. The burgers will be ready in a minute.” 

Jude is tottering back to the living room when the knock comes. Without thinking, she opens the door. 

A man stands on the other side. He’s in a brown leather duster with silver studded shoes. His skin is tinted green and his slit-pupil eyes glow in the sunlight. 

_Madoc._

She drops her cup. The red fruit punch spills across the carpet. 

“Jude? Jude, who’s at the door, honey?” 

She opens her mouth to scream, to tell her parents to run away, to do _something_ , but nothing comes. She stares at her foster father in horror as he glares down at her. 

Her mom comes out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her jeans. She goes impossibly pale when she sees Madoc at the door. 

“Jude, go to your room,” she says. “Now!” 

But she can’t seem to move her body. Her head rings, and she is frozen. 

Her father comes rushing out of the garden with an axe. It swings past Madoc and slams into the wood of the door. Within a blink, Madoc’s blade curves in a deadly arc and pieces her father’s stomach. His body falls. The blood soaks the carpet, joining her fruit punch. 

It’s not real, she tells herself. It’s just a dream. A memory.

But the blood seems all too real. 

Her mother screams. Taryn screams. Vivi screams. 

She can only stare at Madoc in silent horror. 

Her mom backs away from Madoc. Her hands are shaking. “You killed him,” she shrieks. “He’s dead, you monster!” 

“Do not run from me,” Madoc says. “Not after what you’ve done. If you run again, I swear I--”

Her mother runs. 

She barely makes it to the kitchen when his blade slams into her back. Her body crumples, like a doll with its strings cut. 

“Mom!” 

She runs at Madoc. Her body used to be a weapon incarnate, with the power of the land at her fingertips; she could have easily slain her foster father. But now, she is only a child. Her hands slam uselessly against his legs. She kicks and kicks, but Madoc pays her no mind. 

Madoc stands there like he can’t believe what he’s done. Her mother’s blood pools on the tiles of the kitchen floor. 

Taryn crawls to their mom. She shakes her shoulders like she’s trying to wake her up. She sobs, her little face contorted in anguish. 

Madoc grips Jude’s shoulder. He commands Vivi to return to Faerieland with him. 

“I hate you,” Vivi proclaims. She is vicious in a way Jude has never been able to be against their father. “I will always hate you. I vow it.”

Madoc’s face is stony. He looks at Taryn sobbing next to mom’s dead body. He looks at Jude, with her expressionless face and clenched fists. “They are the progeny of my wife and, thus, my responsibility. I may be cruel, a monster, and a murderer, but I do not shirk my responsibilities. Nor should you shirk yours as the eldest.” He sets her down and pushes her a little towards Vivi. “Pack light. We ride before dark.”

Vivi pulls Taryn by the arms and ushers them upstairs. “Go pack. I’ll come help in a minute.”

Tarun and Jude shuffle to their shared room. Jude takes out her purple backpack and throws in clothes. Picture books. Stuffed animals. Photographs. 

Taryn is still sobbing, her face wet with tears. But they are both silent, and obediently pack their bags. 

It all feels surreal. This isn’t what she expected when she pierced her heart with her blade. She gave up her crown in hopes that in death, she’d see her parents again. That she’d see her husband.

She wonders if this is punishment for everything she’s done. For every life she took, for every time she schemed and poisoned and assassinated to survive. Her punishment, to live out the day her life changed, to see her parent’s get murdered over and over again.

But when Vivi swaddles them in coats, when she takes them down to the lawn where Madoc is waiting, when they are once again swept to Faerieland, Jude realizes it is entirely too real. 

She is back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 08_27_20 Edit: changed chlorophyll to chlorine. Stepfather to foster father (cause I realized stepfather would mean Madoc married Eva instead of yknow, killing them all. I was going to keep it as just "father" but her biological father is here so foster father it is! would "faerie father" work better? hmm) (adopted father???)
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://jadeparabatai.tumblr.com/) ♡


	2. Chapter 2

Stealing a knife is the first thing she does when she arrives at Madoc’s estate. 

After Tetterfell is gone, Jude climbs off her tall canopy bed and slides into soft slippers. She slips out her room and makes her way down to the armoury. 

It’s a little strange, to be back at this house. She thought that she would never be back after Madoc betrayed her. Even after she became Queen, she had left the house abandoned. (Her husband was a snake and half the country was in a war against her. There wasn’t much time for childhood homes and reconciliation.) Now, she walks down the familiar hallways as a seven-year-old. 

The armoury was one of Jude’s favourite places. It was beautiful and terrifying in their array of weapons, just as the fae were. Weapons lined the walls, from large battle axes to thin morning stars to war hammers and cunning blades. Large swords the length of her body. Ceremonial daggers carved of pure crystal. The metal and wood gleamed under the candlelight. 

Jude ignores all the beautiful and intricate blades (she wonders if Nightfall is here) and goes for something small and insignificant; something Madoc wouldn’t notice is gone, or miss it. The knife is a tiny undecorated thing, barely the length of her forearm. It’s small enough that she can strap it to her thigh and go unnoticed. She slides the knife up her sleeves and heads back to her room. 

She won’t be waging any war with that tiny knife, but it’ll do its job. (She killed Balekin with a knife only a tad larger than this one. She bets if she tries, if she strikes when he least expects it, she can kill Madoc with it.) Having a weapon in her hands, reliable and deadly, is a relief. (She’s still not convinced it’s not all a dream and she’s still dead.)

She has just slid back under her covers when the door creaks open. She tenses, hoping it’s not Tetterfell or any of the servants. A quiet voice calls out, “Jude?”

“...Taryn?” Jude sits up. 

It’s her twin sister at the door, in her matching pyjamas. Taryn closes the door and climbs onto her bed. Jude shuffles over, making sure the knife is well hidden. Taryn slips under the cover next to her. 

They lie in silence.

Jude doesn’t know how she feels about Taryn. For years, she thought Taryn was the only person she could trust without question. And that backfired on her spectacularly and launched Faerie into a decade-long war. 

She wonders if Taryn truly understood the scope of her actions. She says she did only what Madoc told her to do. She had wanted her place in Faerie and that was more important than Jude. Even after Locke died and Jude became queen, Jude remembers seeing Taryn at revels, laughing and dancing with her dead husband’s gold and child. Taryn didn’t care about the land nor the war. She cared only about her survival with her brand of shamelessness. In the end, Taryn got what she wanted and Jude didn’t, so she might have been wiser in her choice. 

But betrayal runs deep when it’s your twin sister. 

Jude is overcome with a surge of anger, the same anger she felt the night of the coronation when she drew her sword to defend her honour. 

If Taryn hadn’t betrayed her, maybe she wouldn’t have been exiled. Maybe, Cardan would still be himself. Maybe, Jude would still be alive. 

It’d be so easy to get rid of her. Jude could push her off her balcony or leave her to die in the forest. She could smother her with a pillow or wrap her hands around her neck until she runs out of breath. It’d be so easy. No one would suspect a thing. (After all, mortals are so _fragile_.)

No. 

Jude sighs. It’s not Taryn’s fault. Not really. 

The only person who she can blame for who she became is herself. 

“I miss mum and dad,” Taryn breaks the silence. Her voice is wobbly. 

_This_ Taryn is innocent; she’s just a scared child who watched a monster murder her parents in front of her eyes. What good will it do to kill _this_ Taryn?

Jude reaches over to hold her hand. “I know. Me too.” 

“I miss our house and the pool and the television. It’s scary here.”

“I know.”

“And… I don’t like him.” 

Jude knows who “him” is.

“I know,” Jude whispers. 

Taryn’s shoulders shake. “It’s scary here,” she whispers. 

For all that happened, Taryn has taken everything better than Jude expected. Or remembered. Her memories were fuzzy but she imagines there were lots of screaming and crying. This time, there were only tense silences. Jude said nothing the whole journey while Vivi glared at Madoc. Taryn had been teary-eyed, but she clutched her backpack tight and stayed silent. She didn’t cry, even when she met monsters with sharp claws and even sharper teeth. 

Now, in the dark of Jude’s room, Taryn sobs. 

Jude shuffles closer and wraps her arms around her sister. “I know. But I’ll protect you, Vivi, too.”

“Do you think we’ll ever go back?”

“... Maybe. But there’s no one to take care of us there. Where would we go?”

“Maybe Vivi can magick us back. She’s faerie too, remember?” Taryn sniffles.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Jude whispers. They’ll never go back to the mortal world. Not truly. In their previous life, they were too busy finding a way to stay to even think about leaving. Whether they wanted it, Faerie was their home. “Try to go to sleep. It’ll make you feel better.” 

“Okay,” Taryn wipes her face with her sleeves. She falls asleep quickly, exhausted from the tears and culture shock.

It takes a long time for Jude to fall asleep. 

* * *

They don’t see Madoc until two weeks later when he invites them all down to have dinner. Vivi dresses them in their best mortal clothes and marches them down to meet him. 

Jude doesn’t know what he expected, but it’s a disaster. 

The food is too faerie and bloody, even for Vivi. Jude and Taryn can’t eat anything without feeling dizzy or choking. The maid serving the steak snaps her sharp beak at Taryn, who gives a little yelp. The dinner is terrible, but what comes after is worse. 

Madoc attempts at a conversation. It leads to Vivi standing on her chair and demanding he let them go. Madoc looks at her unimpressed and asks how she’s going to do that. How she’s going to take care of them with no one to help her _. You’ll end up in a ditch in less than a week_ , Madoc says. 

Vivi balls up her fist in anger but stops when she sees them. They are all powerless under Madoc. And it’s true. Where would they go? How will they survive, with no money and shelter? 

Jude and Taryn must look particularly pathetic because Vivi stops. She glares vehemently at Madoc and says nothing. 

Dinner continues. 

* * *

Jude spends her days in Vivi’s room with Taryn, and her mornings wandering around the estate. 

Jude has trouble falling asleep. Nor only are her dreams full of nightmares and memories, her mind is so used to being awake for her endless duties. Even when she was Cardan’s seneschal, she rarely got a full quota of sleep. Most nights, she ends up sneaking out of bed and wandering around Madoc’s estate, her stolen knife strapped carefully to her thigh. 

She visits the rooms she’s familiar with; she walks into the library to thumb through the ancient tombs. She plays Fox and Geese against herself. She toasts cheese and bread in the kitchens. 

The staff eventually gets used to Jude wandering the hallways. Madoc must have said nothing in particular about his wayward daughters because they don’t ask any questions as long as she doesn’t get in their way. 

After a while, she gets bored and begins to scamper through the estate looking for secrets. 

She had thought she knew the house well, but there were secrets everywhere. She discovers hidden tunnels running through the house, along with fake walls and loose wooden panels that lead to other passageways and nooks. There are entrances in and out of the house, hidden under tapestries and portraits, complete with clever dead ends to trick infiltrators. She wonders how much of the houses’ secrets Madoc knows. It’s a relatively new stronghold (her mother had burned down the last one to escape) and Jude never encounters any of his spies. 

Under the setting moon, Jude wanders all over the house, climbing and burrowing into the walls. Her footing isn't secure and her footsteps aren’t silent, but she’s still fast and small. She’s a shadow, flitting in and out of the walls. 

Her favourite spot is the large tree near the garden. Its branches extend to the window of the rarely used stage rooms, so it’s not too difficult to swing onto the tree. After a bit of climbing, the thick branches form into an egg-shaped nest. The little nook is small, but it’s well hidden by its branches and surrounding trees. She likes to sit there when her memories get too much. 

It’s in that little space among the trees she allows herself to think about Cardan. 

Cardan Greenbriar, the king of Elfhame. Her husband. 

She almost doesn’t want to think about Cardan. It hurt too much.

Would he be with Balekin by now? Or still at the palace of Elfhame in rags, abandoned by his mother and ostracized by his siblings? Would he have already changed from the sweet story-loving boy to the bully who cuts wings off fae just because he can? 

Jude brushes her finger over her ring finger (it’s a little strange, her finger not being a stump), but she knows those questions don't matter. She doesn’t care if he pushes courtiers off towers or breaks their harps. 

She’d do anything to see him again. (She’d burn Faerie to the ground to keep him safe.)

Some nights, she thinks of wild plans to escape Madoc and go see Cardan in the palace. She comes up with elaborate and treacherous plots to wrestle the crown away from Dain and crown Cardan, this time without the bloodshed. She dreams of stabbing Balekin in the heart again for all the harm he’s done to Cardan. She thinks about running away to the mortal world and living out her life in peace. 

She doesn’t do any of those things. 

Most nights, she sits in silence and dreams of Cardan. 

* * *

Slowly, things improve. Jude adapts to being reborn. She adapts to Faerie land. (She has no choice but to adapt.)

The dinners continue and extend to shared breakfasts. Madoc comes out of his solitude. He orders the kitchens to cook their meats for longer and make their bread softer. He teaches them to sprinkle salt over the food and dilute their drinks. He has them fitted for dresses and sleeping gowns and little slippers fit for any gentry of the folk. 

Madoc teaches them to fight and they spend hours on the silver grass of the courtyard. He teaches them stances, how to hold their swords, how to fight like it’ll be your last battle. He teaches them to ride their horses too fast, wind rushing past their hair, to a speed that means certain death if they fall. He teaches them how to fight and _win_.

Madoc ruffles their hair when they’ve done something well, and laughs with them. He reads them to bed, even if they are tales of warfare and fall of kingdoms instead of the Three Little Pigs. He’s gruff and temperamental, but he tries to honour his promise to take care of his wife’s children. 

Taryn hardly cries anymore. Children adapt fast. She’s always smiling, courteous and gentle. She talks excitedly about pretty dresses and jewels and the revel, her eye twinkling at the thought of the fae. She still occasionally grips Jude’s hand for support, but she's happy as she can be in her situation. 

Vivi is never truly happy in Faerie, but she’s a good sister. 

For Jude, it’s surprisingly easy to forgive Madoc.

No. Forgive isn’t the right word. 

It’s surprisingly easy to ... _coexist_ with Madoc. To live under his roof and control again. (Anger runs red hot in her veins. He’s done too much for her forgiveness.) They’ve been enemies for far longer than they’ve been family, but it’s easy to slip into the simpler times of her childhood. 

After the initial shock, Eva and Justin Duarte’s deaths don’t hurt. Jude doesn’t cry or seek them out after nightmares. It upsets Vivi that her sisters seem to forget their parents and who killed them. But to Jude, they've been dead for decades. She has already mourned them. It’s like a scar now; not forgotten, but painless and easily ignored. 

By Jude and Taryn’s birthday, the mortal world is far behind them. 

* * *

Jude never forgets how cruel and dangerous the fae are, especially for mortals. Even when she was seneschal, a queen, she hadn’t forgotten. She is reminded yet again, almost two years since her rebirth. 

Jude is holding a basket of yellow flowers when a large hand clamps around her arm. She is in the outskirts of Madoc’s grounds. She likes exploring the land for useful berries and flowers. The household staff is used to their master’s mortal children, so she walks in and out without minding the guards. 

Apparently, not this one. 

“Hey!” she says, trying to pull free. 

The guard holding her arm is familiar, but she can’t place who it is. 

He pulls at her arm hard and she struggles to free herself. She’s no match to the faerie’s strength and she stumbles, nearly falling flat onto her face. His hands clamp around her ankles, stopping her from running. The guard moves towards her with his mouth open, revealing rows and rows of sharp teeth. 

Jude twists around just in time to stick her knife into the guard’s face. The knife is laughably small next to the guard’s large frame, but it sinks deep into the tender skin around his mouth. 

The guard howls in pain and rears back. Jude scrambles to her feet and runs, her basket long forgotten. She runs and runs because if he glamours her, she’s fucked. 

Something whooshes past her and she stumbles. The bloody knife sinks dangerously near where her feet were a second ago. Jude sneaks a look behind her; The guard chases her down and his bared teeth are bloody. 

Now, Jude knows exactly who this is. It’s the guard who had bitten off the top of her ring finger years ago. There had been so much blood and Jude remembers her terror as he glamoured her to watch as he chewed on her flesh. How helpless she’d been. 

The only upside was that the guard seems too enraged to use glamour. 

Jude runs as fast as she can into the garden. She pushes past the archway and scrambles to remove the false bit of stone. She slides into the outer walls, her hand clasped over her mouth.

Seconds later, she hears the guard crash into the archway, snarling and cursing. His footsteps draw dangerously close to her hiding spot. 

Her heart beats faster and faster. 

After a while, the guard mutters a curse and the stomps fade away. 

Jude’s legs give out from under her and she sinks into the ground in relief. 

She hates how helpless and powerless she felt. There was nothing to do but run and hope he didn’t catch her. She was the prey. 

She stays in the walls for a long time and it’s nighttime by the time she leaves. She brushes down her hair the best she can and heads to the dining room. 

Madoc raises an eyebrow at her messy hair and torn trousers. Jude shrugs and lies that she tripped while picking flowers. Madoc gives a little hmm and goes back to his steak. 

She sits gingerly and reaches for a glass of water. She tries to enjoy the meal, but it’s difficult when all she can sense are the dangers in the room. Madoc, the cook, the servants, even the little pixie who goes in and out delivering messages. It’d take seconds to snap her neck.

A hand touches hers. It’s Taryn, squeezing her hand under the table. Without a doubt, her twin knows Jude didn’t just trip and fall. If anyone else knows how dangerous faeries are for mortals, it’s her. Her injured arm twinges a little pain, but Jude smiles at Taryn. 

It’s nice to have her twin sister on her side again, to have that solidarity. Even if Jude is now horrifically weak.

* * *

Jude is awake and out the door by the time the sun is hung high in the sky. She tucks her hair into a cap and 

and Her hair is tucked into a cap and her footsteps are silent. 

She slips into the secret passageway near her bedroom and makes her way to the kitchens. It’s nearly noon and everyone else is asleep, save for a few servants bustling around. The cook is busy at the stove while the maids prepare the trays of freshly baked bread and honeyed wine. 

Jude keeps her head down as she creeps closer. There are no human servants in Madoc’s household; if they see her, it’s a bust. But it’s a quick job and Jude is confident. 

When the cook’s back is turned, she quickly pours a few drops of the golden liquid into the jug of honeyed wine. She has retreated into the shadows and back to her room before the maid returns. She knows exactly where that jug of wine is going and who is going to eat them. 

The poison isn’t particularly strong. Jude doesn’t have access to the rare and potent poisons of the palace and she can’t leave far to gather them, so she makes do with what she can find around Madoc’s estate. The nectar from the wild yellow jessamines won’t kill right away, but it’ll weaken and rot the insides of even the fae folk after consistent doses. The translucent golden nectar has a sweet taste and it blends seamlessly into the wine. No one will suspect anything. 

Every day for a month, Jude wakes up hours before anyone else. With the sunlight illuminating the halls, she sly-foots into the kitchen drops the poison into the wine. It's slow work, nothing like the instant wraithberries or blusher mushrooms, but it’s worth it. Soon, she’ll never have to see that guard ever again. 

Jude may be weak, but she’s not powerless. She has her knowledge, her lies, and her poisons.

It’s her first kill in a long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh online classes have really been kicking my ass. I can't believe it's mid-October already??? wtf
> 
> 01_02_21 Edit: minor grammar edit. (happy new year everyone!)
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://jadeparabatai.tumblr.com/) ♡


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